All the boys to the yard

All the boys to the yard turned 3 today!

All the boys to the yard turned 3 today!

PODE O CHORO DURAR UMA NOITE

PT - Não gosto de partilhar a minha vida privada, já chega o meu trabalho ficar ao escrutínio do publico. Não sou adepto de sentimentalismo on-line, mas sim em pessoa, e cada vez mais sou adepto de bons, longos e apertados abraços, daqueles que um facebook um twitter ou um instagram não podem reproduzir, mas fica aqui um post “sentimental”: 


 Há quatro meses comecei a ser acompanhado profissionalmente e em particular medicado, para uma depressão clínica acompanhada de ansiedade, que não vieram por um evento em particular, em certo modo sempre coabitaram comigo, até ao dia em que o espaço era pouco para nós os três, e algo cedeu. A medicação que tomo torna-me insensível a
picos emocionais, quer bons, quer maus, simplesmente não existem, nem me entusiasmo de forma eufórica, nem me entristeço de forma grave, fico no meio.

 Estive meses a chorar constantemente sem razão aparente por mérito desta doença, ou por um conjunto de situações desde abusos emocionais, desilusões profundas e golpes inesperados de pessoas em quem confiava e que me eram muito próximas, tudo conspirou para a tempestade perfeita, por isso chorei como nunca na minha vida…e de um momento para o outro foi como se fechasse a torneira, como se o poço seca-se, tudo mérito da medicação.

 Ora bem há dias chorei de novo, por alguns segundos apenas é certo mas chorei…e foi bom, foi muito bom até!

 
 Primeiro chorei quando um par de minutos antes de entrar em palco em conjunto com os membros do Gospel Collective tivemos uma palavra de oração, dirigida pela doce Selma Uamusse. Algo em mim quebrou, algo conseguiu penetrar essa membrana que não me deixa sentir, e uma coisa foi certa naquele momento: Estava no sítio certo, à hora certa, com as pessoas certas, porque Deus assim o quis, e Ele estava ali.
 Provavelmente ninguém notou porque estava de óculos escuros, mas o meu coração apertou e lágrimas jorraram rosto abaixo com uma força que não me recordava.
image

Lavei o rosto numa toalha, e segui palco acima, e o que aconteceu fica difícil de relatar, mas penso que esta imagem da Vera lhe faz justiça:
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Quando saímos do palco olhei para o Alex, abracei-o e entre dezenas de imagens e memórias do quanto custou chegar até aqui, dos planos, do trabalho, das batalhas que ambos travámos em particular neste ultimo ano por causa desta doença, lá estava aquele aperto de novo. Forte o suficiente para romper por esta barreira que até aqui me protege, e chorei, chorei de novo e com mais força…e foi bom. Senti-me vivo, senti que afinal ainda há réstias de quem sou de facto sob este cobertor de químicos e esta doença que me quis reclamar a vida. Senti que estava no sítio certo, à hora certa, com as pessoas certas a fazer o que Deus assim quis, e Ele estava lá…logo há esperança.
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"Pode o choro durar uma noite, mas pela manhã vem júbilo".

My week, my view #2 My week, my view #2 My week, my view #2 My week, my view #2 My week, my view #2 My week, my view #2 My week, my view #2 My week, my view #2 My week, my view #2 My week, my view #2

My week, my view #2

My week, my view #1 My week, my view #1 My week, my view #1 My week, my view #1 My week, my view #1 My week, my view #1 My week, my view #1 My week, my view #1 My week, my view #1 My week, my view #1

My week, my view #1

#saudade

#saudade

Hipsters and Squares: Psychologist Jerome Bruner on Myth, Identity, “Creative Wholeness” and How We Limit Our Happiness

Filhos como calçadeira.

PT - Ter filhos deve ser demais, e felizmente tenho muitos amigos a ter filhos (inveja?)
  
Mas desde quando é que ter filhos se tornou remédio para tudo? 


 É preciso ter filhos para perceber e colocar a atenção no que de facto é importante? Para nos sacrificarmos e anularmos um pouco em virtude do bem de outrem? Para ter auto-disciplina? Para confiar mais em Deus? Para muito rapazote…se tornar homem?!

 Espero vir a conhecer o que a paternidade traz, bênçãos e desafios, mas não precisei de ter filhos para ter isso tudo.

"Graças a Deus"… Geeeez

Domingos que dão em sestas no chão… #semfalhas

Domingos que dão em sestas no chão… #semfalhas

Where grace comes in and tips the scale off balance.

ENG - (Disclaimer: this post is about christianity/faith, you can skip it)

We have the need to know why things happen, and being self aware can be a pain. We just need to know, and we all deal with that need in different ways. Some seek answers, some seek to be contempt, some take science, some take spirituality, some take philosophy some take theology and so on…

 When you meditate on faith, life, existence, one question eventually appears: “Is everything spawned out of chaos and pure random events, or is there such a thing as fate, is it all pre-ordered, or if you want to get theological “is it all pre-ordained?”.

  There are these two seemingly opposing sides, which I personally believe are just two sides of the same coin, but in sum there’s Free Will versus Predestination. Both sides can’t offer a single and solid solution to the problem I think, but most people take one over the other and some specific people accept predestination and like to think they sound hardcore for accepting some “brutal truths”, they like to believe it actually takes more “courage” to accept and face the fact that for instance something like if God chose to let all humanity “go to hell” he would still be perfect in his ways, and all loving. It can indeed sound harsh, or even unfair but there is a point to it. In reality if I’d get the adequate salary for my actions, I’d be with one foot in hell already, if I’d be given what is fairly mine I’d be done for.

 But that’s where grace comes in and tips the scale off balance.
 God’s love goes beyond the natural order of things that are ruled by  pure action - reaction, granting us what we do not deserve as a gift, a gift that is to be enjoyed and joyful for, not a "We’re  not worthy" mentality (to quote the great Wayne and Garth from Wayne’s world).
 Grace, a gift is exactly that, a GIFT! It’s not a wage, it’s extra ordinary, just like forgiveness, It’s illogical it’s not deserved but nevertheless true active and accessible.

 Some “schools of thought” don’t see it that way and take so much pride in ”taking things as they are”, like the rest of the world lives under some kind of delusion. Some times I feel that these people actually show little faith, when in fact they do have faith,but they put it in the “why’s” they can’t explain when they exhaust all their methods.

 ”Why did this happened? Why did all those children die in that fire? Why did that tsunami decimated countries and took the life of so many?”. These people like to say "I don’t know but God is still good, He knows why he does things". I agree with that statement, He does know but this doesn’t necessarily seem like the right kind of faith. Faith shouldn’t start at the end of your rope, it should start at the beginning even before you grab on to it, that’s true faith.

 This “beggars aren’t choosers” mentality drives me crazy, and it’s opposed to the fact that we’ve been called His children, not nephews and nieces, not distant relatives, not friends, we’re children, sons and daughters and we have a place at the fathers table, not because we necessarily deserve it, but because the father in His perfect love made it so himself. This stance I describe may seem hard or tough or "not for anybody" as I’ve heard in a tone soaked in superiority and disdain, but it’s a wimpy weak man’s game at best.

 Someone ranted a few weeks ago about the notions of what it takes to be a true men by the standards of society, and I believe it takes falling flat on the face of your own will, the result of your ill choices and it’s lingering consequences to realize the heavy cost of your freedom, and the overwhelming power of unconditional love, and grace that we can experience after it. 
 
 It takes a man to get back up, to get his hands dirty, to fight his way out through the swamps of shame, to walk through the lonely deserts of regret, endure the consuming fires of guilt, the breath taking weight of consequences, and to still keep his eyes on the prize, to persevere and to finally return home guided by that beacon of light and unconditional love he now knows he never deserved but that was always there, despite his back was turned against it, even when knowing all he ever loved is probably gone forever. To still get up and chose to go that way is what “makes a man” in my book.

 Those who never had to face such realities should probably think twice about their own life, and what comes out of their mouths. Paul had a resume of hardships that bore witness to what he spoke of, that provided not only authority but a deep knowledge of what he spoke of…he still always chose to face his battles and he always chose to love over being right, to bring forth power in action instead of words anyone can put together, I don’t even need to go on about how Christ went along regarding these things.

Our characters are truly put to the test when everything goes south, ugly, when we’re defeated, humiliated, betrayed and hurt. That’s when true men and women arise, or turn into something else.

 Luckily we’re not alone if we choose to go about the right way and I can testify to that. I’ve been down these things, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually even physically, but with God’s help I always emerged the victor, and will continue to do so…”not by strength, not by power but through his Spirit”, and because I know his faithfulness.

Too many blessings!

ENG - Keeping things quiet here.


Too many blessings to even have time to count and take note.
When things settle down, I’ll get back to this.

God is good!

Artist, Musician, Videographer, Christian and Battling Depression.
"Cento" Copyright © Andrew Brinker 2011.